Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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