i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
