A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
