tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
