She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
