Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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