I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
