She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
