East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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