He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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