So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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