I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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