Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
