thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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