she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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