she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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