you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
