Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
