2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
