Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
