did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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