True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
