Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
