i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i now understand why vodka
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
