The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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