Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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