My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
