just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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