Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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