All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
