That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
