Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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