Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
