omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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