you have to choose: penises or morals?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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