So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
