i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
