Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i would punch a child for taco bell
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
