nut hugger
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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