I'm really into asian looking animals
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Couch. On fire.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
