maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
