It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
