My friends, they love my intelligence
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
