this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
