ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
