Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
its liver damage thursday
Pooping to opera.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
