I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
