I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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