Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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