She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
