I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
