Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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