while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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