sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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