My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
