You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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