I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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