I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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