I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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