We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I AM VODKA MAN
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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