I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
