by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
