Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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