Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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