If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
