when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
