and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
