he thought i was a dude.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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