told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We are two peas in an std pod
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
