I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
