I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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