areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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