Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
