I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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