Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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