dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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