You work out of a Hotel?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
