I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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