Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
