STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
