yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
