if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
