yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
