Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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