I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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