In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it because I queefed?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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