you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
