Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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