I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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