im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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