I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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