we're blogging at a bar
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
did i just pee glitter
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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