I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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