he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
