The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
