I'm gonna have a badass scar
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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