no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
